i always feel pretty nostalgic right about this time every single year, start thinking about all the stuff i said i'd do & didn't, start thinking about all the stupid stuff i've done, all the impulsive stuff, all the good stuff. i also get sort of upset because i don't really look forward to christmas as much as i use to. it's weird though, because only 3/4 years ago i was excited about christmas before it was even my birthday. i just put it down to growing up, but i don't feel anymore grown up.
when i was 11 years old and a first year at high school, i'd imagine being in 5th/6th year, and how much more responsible and clever and organised i'd be. but really, i've gotten worse. i've more or less given up on half of my subjects, my only real incentive to going into school is to talk to my schools and going out at the end of the day. i guess if i keep telling myself i'll start taking school seriously, the idea will sink in. hopefully. eventually
anyways, 2009. i think it's probably been the best/worst year (i want to say stardate instead of year!)
turning 16, for example. sure, you're technically an "adult" but people still don't see you as one. being charged an adult at the cinema doesn't mean you are one, having to pay full fare instead of half on a bus/train doesn't make you more grown up. all that's changed is that you don't have to be at school basically. and you can get a job. but let's be honest, at 16, employers aren't going to treat you fantastically, are they? low pay, long hours
see, whats weird about this year is that nothing really amazing happened. i went to poland for a week and a bit, went to london and blackpool a few times, went to parties, dated a few guys. i think what has made this year stick out more so than others is realizing that this time in 2 years, maybe even 1, things will be entirely different. more importantly, as cliched it is, i've realized who my real friends are and aren't. 2009 has been full of paranoia, tears, anger, shame, but also a good deal of accomplishment and happiness
my favourite things this year have been:
- MUSIC! specifically the affinity i have created with smashing pumpkins, placebo, ke$sha and jay-z. weird, i know
- while i was on exam leave in may/june, and me and my friend niamh would meet at like 11, buy food from the supermarket, sit by the canal and eat and bitch about people for hours and hours
- drinking more than whats good for me, but the things i say while like that are less than desirable
- becoming obsessed with films again
- going to the cinema at silly times every weekend
there are several more things i didn't like than i did, so i'll just name a few, which are:
- the unexplainable reasons as to why i am a bitch
- meeting certain people
- having to blurt out what i think 24/7
i also became obsessed with twitter this year, i do not know why. all i know is that i can't help but love it.
so now the 'noughties' are nearly at an end, i wonder what'll happen next decade...